It’s National Infertility Awareness Week—a time to open up the conversation about what it really means to struggle with fertility and to challenge the misconceptions that often surround it. One of the most frustrating phrases people facing infertility hear is: “Why don’t you just get IVF?”
While often well-meaning, this statement oversimplifies a deeply personal, complex, and sometimes painful journey. It assumes IVF is a one-size-fits-all solution, ignoring the realities of medical limitations, financial barriers, and emotional toll. More than that, it reflects a broader issue—how infertility is often placed squarely on women’s shoulders, reinforcing outdated biases and adding to the mental health burden they already carry.
IVF Isn’t Always an Option
For many, IVF is not as simple as booking an appointment and walking away with a baby. There are multiple reasons why IVF might not be the right—or even possible—path:
💰 The Cost – In the UK, NHS-funded IVF is often a postcode lottery, with access varying depending on where you live. Private treatment can cost tens of thousands of pounds, putting it out of reach for many.
🩺 The Medical Reality – IVF is not a guaranteed fix. Success rates vary widely depending on age, underlying conditions, and other factors. Some people aren’t even candidates for IVF due to medical reasons.
🧠 The Emotional Toll – IVF can be gruelling, involving hormone treatments, invasive procedures, and the emotional rollercoaster of hope and disappointment. For many, it’s not just about trying to conceive—it’s about navigating loss, grief, and uncertainty.
🗣️ The Assumption That IVF Is the Only Path – There are many ways to build a family, and not everyone wants to—or can—pursue assisted reproduction. Adoption, surrogacy, donor conception, or even choosing to live without children are all valid paths.
The Gendered Burden of Infertility
Infertility isn’t just a medical issue—it’s a societal one, and it disproportionately affects women’s mental health. The assumption that women must be the ones to fix infertility, to endure treatments, to put their lives on hold, and to answer endless intrusive questions is rooted in deep-seated sexism.
👀 The Scrutiny – Women are expected to take responsibility for fertility struggles, even though male factor infertility accounts for around 50% of cases. The burden of "fixing" the issue, seeking treatment, and managing emotions often falls on women.
🤐 The Silence – Talking about infertility can still feel taboo. While there’s growing awareness, many women feel pressure to keep their struggles private to avoid judgment or pity. This isolation can worsen feelings of anxiety and depression.
😞 The "Just Relax" Myth – Many people still believe infertility is a matter of stress rather than a medical condition. This puts further pressure on women, making them feel responsible for something they have no control over.
What Needs to Change
If we really want to support people facing infertility, we need to start by changing the conversation.
💡 Stop Offering Unsolicited Advice – Instead of saying “just get IVF,” acknowledge that infertility is complex. Try asking, “How are you feeling?” or “Is there anything I can do to support you?”
💡 Recognise That Infertility Affects Everyone – Infertility is not just a “women’s issue.” It affects couples, individuals, and families, regardless of gender.
💡 Push for Better Access to Care – Fertility treatments should not be limited by geography or financial privilege. Advocating for fairer NHS access and workplace support is crucial.
💡 Prioritise Mental Health – Infertility can be emotionally devastating. Normalising conversations around therapy, support groups, and community connection can make a huge difference.
Infertility Deserves More Than Quick Fixes
Telling someone to "just get IVF" dismisses the complexity of infertility and the emotional, physical, and financial weight it carries. Instead of simplifying the conversation, let’s start listening—really listening—to what people are going through. Infertility is not just about treatment options; it’s about the very human experience of longing, resilience, and redefining what family means.
To anyone struggling: You are not alone. Your feelings are valid. And your path—whatever it looks like—is entirely yours to define. ❤️
#NationalInfertilityAwarenessWeek #InfertilityMatters #MentalHealthMatters
